GM Diet Fail or Fab???

So, my husband and I tried a cleanse this week. It’s called the GM Diet. Now, mind you, we have never done a cleanse before, and this particular one is supposed to last 7 days. Our goal is 5 days, then a modified 6th day, with it ending on Day 7, because, well, it’s my birthday, and I’ll be damned if I starve myself on my birthday weekend. And let me tell you something about the GM Diet, it is a complete bitch! It has absolutely taken it out of me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Sounds fun, huh?!?!?

We are on day 5 {THANK GOD} and the fact that we are still married is a miracle. I am not sure if it says something about the cleanse or about how much we needed to be cleansed. But, major changes are happening! Let me reiterate…it is a BITCH. Does it work? That is yet to be decided.

Here’s the gist…

Day 1

Fruits only. No bananas. Sounds easy enough. I ate a lot of cantaloupe, and by the end of the day, I thought I was going into sugar overload. I realized how much fruit I don’t eat.

Day 2

Vegetables only. Now, I was looking forward to this day, because you start the day with a large baked potato with a pat of butter. I thought I would want to eat it whole. To my surprise, I could only eat about half of it. Then I ate lots of salad, cucumbers, and corn. Yep, corn for dinner. So weird. Now, by the end of day two, I was in hell. My body went into shock and to make it all worse, we had to endure a death of a sweet, furried friend, our cat of 16 years, Dallas. So, I don’t know if I was not hungry because of the grief, or because vegetables for dinner sounded horrible, but either way, it sucked!

Day 3

Fruits and Vegetables only. NO bananas and NO potatoes. But lots of headaches. Now, I am on day three of a headache. Awesome. Another cantaloupe, salad, and because my brain is fried, I really can’t remember what I ate this day. I know I did not eat meat, bread, anything sweet {other than fruit}, or really anything that I wanted. I stuck to this damn diet, because I had already suffered enough. I was not going to give up! {I’d like to interject at this point, if you are going to do this cleanse and you have kids, for the love of god, don’t do it at the same time as your significant other. It’s just those poor kids don’t know what the hell you are doing to yourself. Parenting is suffering at this point.}

Day 4

BANANAS, milk, and this failed soup they speak of only. Yes, you heard me right, only bananas, milk, and soup. And yes, I read this before I started. STUPID!!! So, my husband and I had bananas for breakfast with milk and ice and made a smoothie of sorts. Not too bad. And this soup you are to make is basically onion soup with cabbage, but without anything else that would make it taste good. I had a little of it on Day 4, but it’s just terrible. Also, my brain is really not functioning correctly at this point. My poor kids, my poor mom, my poor bestie, and of course, my poor husband, but he made the same stupid decision as I.  We also had our biggest fight this day, so I really have no sympathy for him on Day 4. Suck it day, Day 4!

Day 5

Beef and Tomatoes only. Finally some protein and light at the end of the tunnel! I can really start to feel my mood shift a little here, but the headaches persist. I also made the mistake of taking the hardest cardio class at Lifetime and saw stars and tunnel-vision for 80% of the time. Another genius move. It explains in the diet to stay away from strenuous exercise.

Well, here we are. Midday 5. We have made it 4 1/2 days. It feels like 4 1/2 months. I do feel for my husband though, because when I get hungry for fruit {Day 1} or Veggies {Day 2}, I can just open the fridge and eat. He, on the other hand, only has what he took to work. He did just call me to tell me he was thinking about going to McDonald’s, ordering a 1/4 pounder, plain and dry, ditching the bread, then crying. I. Feel. His. Pain.

So far, I’ve lost 7 lbs and he’s lost 10 lbs. {Damn boys always lose weight faster!}

Let’s recap the diet. It’s 86 – protein until Day 5, 86 – carbs {except the good ones you get from fruits and veggies}, 86 – alcohol, 86 – sanity, and lastly 86 – cat. Well, clearly, that’s not part of the diet, but I will forever remember this diet for killing my cat.

THANKS A LOT BIN LADEN!

**Update**

To no one’s surprise, this diet is a FAIL! Mind you, I did not adhere to the diet for 7 full days, because it was impossible, but I stuck with it for a solid 5.

Day 5, when you can eat beef and tomatoes, as in the picture above, is where the weight loss halted. For my first real meal, which came in the evening of Day 5, I had a plate-full of veggies, w/balsamic vinegar, no oil, smoked salmon and smoked steak. I also had two glasses of wine and one insanely delicious slice of carrot cake. I WILL NEVER REGRET eating that slice of carrot cake! Whoa! Anyway, I weighed myself the next morning and had gained 3 pounds back!!! FROM ONE MEAL!

Needless to say, the GM diet, in my honest opinion, is a BIG FAT FAIL! I say, bring on the protein, bring on the veggies and fruit, lots of water, with a payoff meal a week. Screw the bananas and milk only one day. HUUUUUHHHH?!?!?!